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Did Anyone Ever Tell You That You Look Like...
This is my face:
We've been through a lot, this face and me. There was the humiliating explosion of acne my freshman year of high school. There was the crippling sunburn a couple years back that had me pulling off face-size pieces of skin like Hannibal Lecter. There have been countless failed experiments with facial hair. But all in all, I'm happy with the visage I've been given. It's not going to get me in the Abercrombie and Fitch catalog (or even the Target catalog), but it's served me well these 26 years.
One of the best features of this mug is that it is "one of those faces." This means that I am stopped on a daily basis and told I remind so-and-so of so-and-so. If the so-and-so can't place who I look like, he or she will generally shrug and say "Oh well. I guess you've just got...one of those faces."
A few weeks ago at a party, a very attractive girl looked me in the eye and said the following:
I'm sure you hear this all the time, but do you know how much you look like Robert Redford?
I was taken aback. I had never heard this comparison before. Was this compliment or insult? I responded "Do you mean Robert Redford 2007? All old with his face melting off?"
No no no. You look like Robert Redford in his prime.
You mean like The Way We Were - style Robert Redford?
Exactly. You have the same sandy blonde hair and your face looks genetically engineered.
Again, not sure if this was compliment or insult. "Genetically engineered?"
Yeah, like it's perfectly symmetrical. You look like you were designed in a lab.
Flattered beyond belief, I thanked her and moved on with my night. I've been telling everyone I know about this exchange, because it makes me sound like an incredible pimp. I don't recall ever receiving such a self-esteem boost.
That was the first time anyone has told me I look like Redford, but I've been told that I look like various actors all my life, even when I simply don't. The following is some of what I've heard, along with the time in my life that I heard the comparison the most.
MATTHEW PERRY
Throughout high school, I was told I look like Matthew Perry, or "Chandler" constantly. I am a very sarcastic person, and at the time I was actively encouraging the comparison by modeling my wardrobe after the character. (You know how sexy bowling shirts are.) Haven't gotten Perry since college, not even during the run of the most infuriating television program of all time -- Studio 60.
MEL GIBSON
I worked at Blockbuster Video in high school. A good friend and co-worker used to swear that I looked exactly like Mel Gibson. He would try to get everyone who came into the store to agree with him. Few did, but this went on for years. Maybe it's just my deep and unreasonable hatred for Jewish people.
THE NARRATOR OF THE HOLIDAY SPECIAL "SANTA CLAUS IS COMING TO TOWN"
One night at Blockbuster, a little girl in line was staring at me. She whispered into her mother's ear, and then both mother and daughter were staring. "Can I help you?" I asked. The mother laughed and replied: "My daughter thinks you look exactly like the guy in Santa Claus is Coming to Town." Thinking she meant Santa himself, I was ready to kick this little girl in the throat. Had I put on weight? "Not Santa, the narrator," said the mom. A different co-worker -- whom I hated -- thought this was hilarious and ran through the aisles until he found the video. He brought the box to the front, and everyone in the store had a huge laugh as the cover picture was held up next to my face. Everyone heartily agreed with the little girl. With the benefit of time, I can see that, sadly, she may have been right.
JAKE GYLLENHAAL
I only got compared to J.G. before he became the big heartthrob. Now that he's buff and screwing hot actresses, people don't say it so much anymore. Got the Gyllenhaal thing mainly from my mom and moms of friends, so it wouldn't have done me much good anyway.
EDWARD NORTON
Norton, on the other hand, did. I was a substitute teacher for two years in college. Tthroughout this period, and only this period, I got Edward Norton a couple times a day. And always by hot underage girls. I have never been asked out more than I was during this time, but it was always by high school students, and therefore, you know, illegal. Damn laws!
SAMUEL L. JACKSON
Just making sure you're paying attention.
DUSTIN HOFFMAN
When I was in the NBC Page Program, I gave several tours a day. Since people had to spend entire hours staring at my kisser, I got an insane amount of "You look like..." comments. Including a whole lot of Dustin Hoffman, which I never understood. Perhaps Redford and Hoffman hooked up on the set of All the President's Men and gave birth to me?
TIMOTHY HUTTON
Another big one during my Page days. I took this one to heart, because he's such a random actor.
JASON BATEMAN
Heard this constantly during the run of Arrested Development, but not once since.
STEPHEN COLBERT
Lately I get Colbert almost exclusively. I hear it from friends, family, and outsiders alike. I don't see it, but I love the man so I can't argue.
JOHN CUSACK
Over the course of my life, I have been compared to Cusack more than anyone else -- easily a few hundred times. I think part of the reason may be that Cusack is always mopey and frustrated and angry about relationships with girls in his movies -- and this is an apt description of me from seventh grade on.
I just uploaded a photo of myself to that website MyHeritage, where they tell you which celebrities you most resemble. It told me I look most like Cusack, Redford (I'll be damned!), Jerry Seinfeld (huh?), Jason Biggs (goo?), Jerry Stiller (easily the ugliest man alive, consider my self-esteem back in the gutter!) and -- oh yeah -- Patrick Swayze!
Surprising results! Seinfeld, Biggs, and Stiller -- am I a closet Jew? And Swayze? I was wearing leather pants and a jazz belt in the photo I uploaded, but still...
Let's get some discussion going here. Who do you think you look like? Who do others tell you that you look like? And as for me, do I genuinely look like any of these actors or is it more a personality thing? Or neither -- do I just have "one of those faces?"
Regardless, the moral of the story is that if I really did look like these celebrities at the various stages of my life, I should have gotten laid much, much more.
Pat I have not been compared to too many celebrity faces, but my penis has
been compared to Dirk Digler many a times...I guess that's celebrity.
Very interesting that you left out that you look like Clay Aiken. I've even
witnessed the, "Hey, the guy looks like Clay Aiken! but even more gay!"
(ok, I added that last part) on our page tours, but somehow, that didn't
make it into the blog. Let me check again....hmmmm...nope.
Great entry, and one I can identify with. I wish Blog-City gave one the
ability (or if it did, that I knew how) to post pictures in the comments,
because I could show examples from which many of the below examples are
culled (pictures of myself AND the celebrities mentioned). I've been given
the "you look like..." a TON as well, at various stages of my life, and to
varying degrees (from "you're a dead ringer!" to "that jacket sorta makes
you look like..."). For a while I had a running paper-and-pencil list of
celebrities to whom my appearance had been compared. The ones I can
remember off the top of my head are:
Pat,
I've gotten Kyra Sedgwick and a young Gary Coleman.
Dale,
Ok. So I went to My Heritage.com and I HAVE to share my results. I did like
3 different pictures of myself:
1) John Travolta!!! HAHAHA Ironic.
2) Colin Farrell (because of my facial hair, im sure the only reason)
3) THE BEST ONE: BARACK OBAMA!!!!!!! HAAAAa... seriously.. peed myself at
that one.
I used to get Ben Folds a lot, which was fine, because he was pretty hip at
the time. Then I started getting Scott Hamilton a real, real lot when I
was a Page. I wasn't okay with that at the time, but now, why not? He was
a gold medalist!
Oh this was a good one. As much as I think I love you - I think claymation
Fred Astaire is the closest thing to you.......LOL. You don't look like
ANY of these people!! Everyone I meet has a cousin, SIL, friend who "looks
exactly like me"...as far as famous people go, for years I was told I look
like Molly Ringwald and then once (Jesus, it was when I was 29 too) I was
told I looked like Bette Midler. I almost cried. I think I threw my drink
at him? Can't remember, I've conveniently filed all those lurid details
away....forever. One other time I wa told Mary Kay Place. Eeww. I was
happy with Molly. My husband gets JFK Jr and McDreamy all the time....I'm
a lucky woman I tell you.
Pat,
If Ed Norton packed on 10 more pounds, he'd be your twin...
Denny,
Did that weight really stay off? Good on ya for that!
I'm feeling very left out! No one ever tells me I look like any celebrity.
Boo hoo. I just tried to go to myheritage.com, but it says to come back in
a few hours...so we'll see.
I've been compared most often to Napoleon Dynamite. And this isn't just
idle 'Hey, you sorta kinda maybe look like that guy' comparison. This is
people whipsering to each other across a room, cause they think I might
actually be him. This is drunk guys stopping in bars, pointing at me and
shouting 'OH MY GOD! NAPOLEON!'. Unless, of course, they're comparing me to
the French conquerer.
I've had a couple weird ones thrown my way, but a lot of people say that to
me "you know who you look like.." But sometimes they just go.. well I can't
think of it, but you look like her. I've gotten a couple that insulted me a
bit. Helen Hunt, Laura Dern (Huh?), Melissa joan heart (seriously?), ( a
prettier)Lee lee sobeiski oh an my grandfather said I looked like Veronica
Lake. Must be the blonde hair, which is brown now since i dyed it and so
far, no one has told me who I look like. I agree with the Timothy hutton
but I actually do kinda see a resemblence to colbert in your face.
I was letting run wild, and then I trimmed. It was starting to look a bit
too biblical.
OK, so I just tried the myheritage.com thing. I tried it with 2 different
pictures as a test..the 1st time, it said Shiri Appleby (she looks
familiar-ha-but I'm going to have to look her up?), Gwenyth Paltrow (cha
ching!), Hayden Panettiere, Lisa Kudrow (ugh), Sandra Bullock, Emma Watson,
Courtney Thorne Smith (?), and Scarlet Johannson. The 2nd time--pretty
different matches, but the top one being Katherine Heigel, but #2 was
Kudrow.followed by Christie Brinkley, Kate Hudson, and Hayden again...so
only 2 matched! Anyways, this was great for my self esteem...I'm Hermione
boo ya!
I used to get stuck with Jimmy Fallon comparisons during my Page days -
mostly from annoying, giggling teens on birthday trips to the City or
soccer moms. Eventually, I gave in and started pointing to his picture
during the tours and announcing that was my old job... a surprising number
of people believed that, going to show that people will believe anything
they hear from a guy in a cheap suit...
Andrea B. totally looks like Uma Thurman. Like sick bod, hot Kill Bill Uma
Thurman, so that's a compliment, Andrea. As far as I'm concerned, in
college, I used to wear my reading glasses in class all the time, and it
was right at the peak of Tina Fey on Weekend Update (plus she went to my
college), so I got that constantly. Now that my hair is lighter, I get
Jennifer Aniston on a regular basis, which I thought was out of nowhere
initially, but now I realize I'm a pre-nosejob version. Both ladies are
half-Greek like I am, so I guess it makes sense.
Wow, thanks Lauren! haha..and yeah I can totally see Anniston for you! And
Tina Fey is a no-brainer. Don't people say Ilan looks like Ben Affleck??
Because he totally does....even Conan thinks so.
Never mind, I found the old entry where you talked about your favorite
toothpaste. I'm fixin' to pick some up soon! Do you still use that stuff?