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Oh Dear God No
Sorry for the week off, I was in Los Angeles again. Things are looking pretty good on that front, I'll keep you posted when I know more.
Let's cut to the chase. Something has happened that has really shaken me up. I missed a call from my mother last night. This morning I played the message:
"Hey Patrick, just wanted to tell you your aunt and I checked out that blog of yours this weekend. I must say, it was pretty...interesting."
Whoa.
Whoa.
WHOA.
I didn't know my mom knew what a blog was. I assumed my parents' lack of internet knowledge would keep them from viewing this site forever. How did this happen? Was it a Google search? Was it my loudmouth sister? And if so, how did she find out about it? A Missouri friend? A parent of a friend? How did this happen? Who else is reading it? Will my mother now hand the address out at family functions with recipe cards? Will my grandmother be sitting down to enjoy these musings?
And then full panic mode set in. My God, the things I write about! How much had she read? Was it a glance at the home page? Or did she sit and read all of the content? And oh God, the content! Why, the very first entry she would have seen is entitled "Ball Gags and Anal Beads."
For years, when it comes to my life, I have kept my parents completely in the dark, where parents belong. And now she has access to my deepest thoughts, my likes and dislikes, my hopes and dreams....my sex life. I don't think we've ever used the word in front of each other and now...Jesus Christ.
She could be reading this as we speak.
I've got to be honest, this might be the end of the blog.
I don't know Pat. Your mom has become pretty hip. Her and Katie Hunsel
are really Livin' up the single life. I myself saw her doing body shots
off a Transvestite named Maurice. Anal beads, I'm afraid, can't be too far
behind (pun).
C'mon, "Ball Gags and Anal Beads?" How can that be embarrassing?
Dear Pat's Mom,
You're son is hilarious. It seems as if this quality might end up earning
him some serious profit in the coming years, so I wouldn't worry too much.
Who knows, that summer house in Florida or the brand new kitchen you've
been dreaming about, just might become a reality! You're son is talented
and smart, and you should commend yourself for raising a son who isn't
afraid to talk about the real things in life. Most People can't even say
the word "anal" out loud, but Patrick is so well adjusted that he has the
ability to discuss it! You've done a wonderful job, and your son makes me
laugh out loud at work, which frankly, everyone should do.
Dear Pat's Mom,
You're son is hilarious. It seems as if this quality might end up earning
him some serious profit in the coming years, so I wouldn't worry too much.
Who knows, that summer house in Florida or the brand new kitchen you've
been dreaming about, just might become a reality! You're son is talented
and smart, and you should commend yourself for raising a son who isn't
afraid to talk about the real things in life. Most People can't even say
the word "anal" out loud, but Patrick is so well adjusted that he has the
ability to discuss it! You've done a wonderful job, and your son makes me
laugh out loud at work, which frankly, everyone should do.
Can you seriously not make blog-city posts private? I guess if you did,
people like me couldn't read, cuz I have no use (other than reading your
shit) for a blog-city account. LiveJournal is where it's at, and I will
never relent on that point, bro.
Yes livejournal is where it's at. I moved there when my Mom found my
unprotectable web log.
Pat,
my mother has started reading my blog as well...i've decided it's a good
thing, though, cause at least then she can't complain about the fact that i
never call, cause if she wants to make sure i'm still alive she can just
check to see if i've recently posted...and i guess it's not so bad to have
my mom actually know a bit about my life...even if most of my posts are
about being drunk...at least i get credit for all those years of not
drinking in college...
RE: podcasts
I feel your pain. After getting an invite to fly to the West Coast to
visit the set of a TV show, there wasn't really a good way to keep my
blogging life from my parents anymore. Since my blog is TV based, I didn't
have much to worry about, but still.
Mike,