Beverly Hillbilly

Personally, I would prefer a delicious In-N-Out burger, but way to go!

Congrats Pat.

Also, I have two hilarious stories about Caffeine Free Diet Coke and other disgusting drinks.

First, when I was a child my parents had only two "sodas" available: Caffeine Free Diet Coke and Mendota Springs. I don't know if anyone has had the pleasure of Mendota Springs, but it is basically a mix of urine and kidney stones. So we would be forced to drink one of the two if we wanted a soda. However, when we were sick, my father would want us to drink Sprite. As a side bar, my father claims to be a doctor, but as I recall the cure to most of my sicknesses as a child were Sprite and Tylenol. I doubt a medical degree is required for such a prescription.

So anyway, one of the times we had a 12 pack of Sprite when my sister was sick, I was downing them like they were cocaine. So I run inside from playing some basketball, thirsty and winded(I am a bit to very out of shape) I grab for the Sprite on the refrigerator shelf and take a huge gulp. However where the delicious Sprite was just a few hours before, now was a awful Mendota springs. In one motion I downed the soda, and then lurched forward, puking about seven times. However, as a silver lining, I was able to stay home sick, and got a new batch of Sprite. But still, that haunting taste will live with me forever.

As a second soda story, once I got older we started having a ton of good soda in the house. However to compliment the good soda, my mother still bought the Caffeine Free Diet Coke (which by the way comes in a poop colored can, which I feel is appropriate) This soda would sit untouched for months.

One night, my neighbor Mike Bircher, and I found people having sex in their car in a circle that was a few hundred feet from both of our yards, so being mature 14 year olds, we decided to fuck with them. So we sat behind a row of trees, and used the only heavy non-usable object we could find(The diet cokes), and we began grenade style hurling the sodas one at a time at the car. We were doing this blind, so we heard the first two or three land on the street around it. So then we decided to each throw two and run away. The next thing we heard was the shattering of a windshield and the scream of a woman.

We both without a word ran home. This is the only documented positive use to ever come from Caffeine Free Diet Coke.

So, what, no more Podcasts? What's the deal? Not that I'm saying I don't like reading what you're laying down, but what about the other two guys on that podcast? Where are they? I'm voting for more podcasts. thanks.

Thank you Ben and Mike.

Mike, those stories were gold. I have a similar experience when I was mowing lawns on one of the hottest days of the year. One of my customers brought me out a huge glass of what I thought was delicious icy Coke. I took an enormous swig only to discover it was unsweetened iced tea. It was an emotional rollercoaster.

Melanie,

I'm not going anywhere yet, we have a podcast in the can, and we'll probably record more before I leave.

And shoot me straight, Josh and Ian, did one of you leave this message posing as "Melanie?"

I am very very happy for you, Pat, as I have already told you. I am also happy for myself, cause this means there will be two more writers in Hollywood that I actually know whenever I finally get my butt in gear like you folks and write a damned spec script...just promise you'll still take my calls/emails then...

As for caffeine free coke, my mother also was a big fan. The only pop we had in our house growing up was that and Diet Sprite. Gross. Needless to say, I never drank pop much until Junior year of college- when I suddenly realized that I no longer lived in my mother's house and could buy whatever the hell pop I want. Being an adult rules!

PS- I just now saw your request re: Peppermint Pattie Brownies...I have now posted it on my blog. yippee.

PS- I just now saw your request re: Peppermint Pattie Brownies...I have now posted it on my blog. yippee.

Throwing another soda story into the mix ... My friends and I were over at my house in maybe 8th or 9th grade, sampling from the folks' liquor cabinet. We decided to make Rum and Cokes. Of course, my parents only bought generic soda, so instead we drank Rum and Diet Caffeine Free Big K. Every time I think about it, I dry heave just a little. (Anybody else know Big K? It was Kroger brand soda. I think they only have it in the midwest).

"I do my best to douche up my appearance for these meetings: blazer, jeans, hair gel."

I like blazers, jeans, and hair gel. (Silent sobs)

Excellent work, bud--sounds awesome. Congratulations!

Sam,

I will definitely attempt (and surely fail) to make those brownies.

Bryan,

I definitely know Big K, although I think Kroger closed down when I was about six. How old are you? On the non-name brand soda wrote, my family always went with the Vess, which was also a midwest thing. I think. 12 cents a can and an amazing variety of colors and flavors, all just barely on the good side of disgusting.

Brown,

In this day and age, you gotta be a douche to succeed. Don't look at it as a bad thing.

Thanks Rob!

I heard they used to use Caffeine Free Diet Coke to defoliate jungle cover in Vietnam.