Angover Hey

I don't drink all that often (never more than once a week), but when I do I tend to have a problem stopping. You might know this problem as "alcoholism."

I didn't drink until I was out of college, and I think because I don't have years of alcohol abuse under my belt, I never really figured out the basics: what mixes well and what doesn't, when would be a good time to stop, how to drink and not yell at people, etc. In addition, I come from a long line of alcoholics, something my father never passed up an opportunity to remind me of. (Starting when I was FOUR and continuing to the present day).So my "mornings after" are accompanied by self-loathing, anger, denial, etc. Thanks pop!

I don't, however, generally get hangovers.

UNTIL NOW.

SWEET FANCY MOSES I WANT SOMEONE TO PUT A BULLET IN MY HEAD.

I'm having one of those mornings where every time I stand up I have to keep pacing and shifting back and forth. I'm having one of those mornings where bending down to pick up a dropped pen triggers violent waves of nausea. I'm having one of those mornings where it takes me 10 to 12 minutes to process the most simple of questions.

About last night, or how I went from "King of the World" to "Praying for Death in the Back of a Taxicab..."

Last night I was feeling great. I went to a "Happy Hour," two hours of unlimited drinks for $15 with some friends. I arrived about 45 minutes into the alleged "Happy Hour," and of course went about trying to get my money's worth. To make matters worse, at the end of the time period, I started really pounding them. After all, there was a deadline! 

I always drink too fast, and I can not handle hard alcohol. My idea of a strong drink is anything without a large fruit wedge in it. I try to avoid these drinks. Last night, I did not. I drank a lot, and I drank on a stomach that had only ingested a Carnation Instant Breakfast that entire day. Within the span of about ten minutes, I went from "I love this delicious buzz!" to "If this cab hits one more bump, I will never stop throwing up." I have a feeling I may have said this in the past, and I have a feeling I'll say it again in the future: I am never drinking again.

A few particularly embarassing incidents from last night before I head for the bathroom and pray for vomit again...

I live at an intersection and last night when I got out of the cab after the bar I found myself staring, STARING, at the two street signs trying to figure out which way to go.

I was probably four feet from my apartment at this time.

I went inside, brushed my teeth, and then realized I couldn't find my cell phone. I searched my whole apartment for it, before giving up and heading for bed.

This morning when I woke up, the cell phone was next to my toothbrush. But here is the truly humiliating part. I sat down at the computer this morning to charge my ipod, and noticed I still had a website up from last night.

The website was Google. And I had entered, as a search topic...MY CELL PHONE.

I didn't know whether to laugh or cry.

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