Review Roundup

I've been reading a lot of critics' "Top Ten Movie" lists for 2005 lately. I love lists, I enjoy comparing and so forth, and I plan to post mine by the end of the month. I like my film criticism like I like my movies, smart, unpretentious, and presented in a way that it feels like you are having a conversation about the movie. I like reviews that inspire me to think about the movie in another way, reviews that challenge me to see new things. Some of my favorite critics are Owen Gleiberman in "Entertainment Weekly," the entire staff of "The Onion," and my lifelong favorite Roger Ebert.

In the Village Voice's annual film polls, I stumbled upon some of the most shockingly pretentious reviews I have ever seen. Very few of them picked movies anyone has actually watched or has access to, instead opting for obscure foreign films, surely to make themselves seem smart. I can't imagine any other reason they would have chosen these movies because even the summaries were insanely boring. Read Dennis Lim's review of something called Cafe Lumiere, his pick for the best movie of 2005.

1) Cafe Lumiere: Even partisans have deemed it minor Hou, but repeat viewings only deepen this Tokyo story's hushed eloquence and suburban melancholy. Hou is never one to belabor a metaphor, but it's no coincidence that this discreetly train-obsessed movie views modern urban existence as a matter of divergent routes and elusive connections. Against a clattering lullaby of railway sounds, nothing happens, except life itself. --Dennis Lim, Village Voice

Wow, really makes you want to rush to the theater, doesn't it? I think the key phrase from this review is "Nothing happens," followed closely by "clattering lullaby of railway sounds." Translation: 'Choo-choo! Next stop Snoozeville!' Looking online a bit for reviews of this movie, most of them consist of people saying: "It's just trains moving! That's it! Fucking trains! Moving!"

Going to film school, I would frequently hear conversations like this about film, and once in a while I would try to take part before getting sad and walking away. Film is probably the number one area, maybe second to art, where people love to let the pretentious fly. "Even partisans have deemed it minor Hou?" Let me tell you something, I have been obsessed with movies since I was 5, and I have no idea who Hou is. Therefore, all Hou is minor Hou. This guy has clearly latched onto someone no one has heard of or gives a shit about, and will praise his movies, even if they are "minor," until he makes a movie that gets some recognition. Then he will write about how Hou sold out and move on to some other obscure lamewad who makes movies where nothing happens.

Maybe this wasn't interesting to you, but when I read that review I felt something had to be done. It brought me back to my "Douchebags In Berets" college days. Seriously, there was a dude who wore a beret. Every day. Rhyme.

I have been trying to catch up on a bunch of movies before the Oscar nominations come out, so here are some reviews of what I saw this past week, with no mention of "clattering lullabies."

Capote (B-) Phillip Seymour Hoffman has been justly praised, he really inhabits the character and takes it well beyond just an impression. The movie, however, is not so great. Capote was an interesting man, In Cold Blood is a fascinating story, but Capote writing In Cold Blood does not make for particularly gripping drama. What am I supposed to be feeling as a man who brutally murdered an innocent family waits on death row? Sympathy? I really didn't get emotionally involved in this movie in any way. As a showcase for a great actor giving a great performance, it works, but as a movie...eh.

Cache' (A-) This was a really great foreign thriller, (in French) that was so intense I forgot I was reading subtitles. Basically, a married couple starts getting video tapes left on their porch. The tapes at first show lengthy surveilance of their home, then the man's childhood home, then....then all kinds of shit goes down. This was also the setup for David Lynch's Lost Highway (B+), and while this doesn't go to the insanely fucked up places that awesome movie went to, it definitely wants to do a lot more than just freak you out (Which I guess was the point of Lost Highway? I've seen it three times and I have no idea). Cache' works on all sorts of levels, and you'll definitely want to see it with a friend so you can try to piece everything together at the end. I saw it alone and wound up figuring it out with the old woman next to me. Lots of things are left up to the viewer, which frustrates some people, but I always think that is really exciting in a movie. I knew nothing going in, and that's definitely the way to see it. I will not say anything about the plot here, all I can say is at the very end, watch the upper left hand corner of the screen. Hell of a movie.

The Matador (A) OK, this movie surprised the hell out of me. The previews look kind of stupid, I don't really have opinions either way on Pierce Brosnan or Greg Kinnear, this all just screamed "average." But I've got to tell you, this movie kicks ass and I can't recommend it highly enough. I really feel this is one of the best scripts of the year, and it was clearly directed with something to prove by Richard Shepard, who hasn't done much, but I imagine will be doing a lot more. This movie was a really funny comedy, a really exciting thriller, and here and there an oddly touching drama. Pierce Brosnan was awesome, he should focus on comedy, he was absolutely filthy and sleazy in this movie and he played it perfectly. The speedo scene alone should get him some awards talk, you'd never see Harrison Ford making himself look this ridiculous for a part. Greg Kinnear and Hope Davis are both excellent as the married couple he fucks with, and Kinnear gives far and away his best performance yet. I don't know what else to say, this is a fun, bright, sharp movie that is about 100 times better than you'd expect. Go see it.

On DVD:

Last Days (D) OH MY GOD, WHAT A BORING MOVIE. And what a full-of-itself, annoyingly acted piece of crap. I sort of knew what to expect, I had read that this was to be the story of a Kurt Cobainesque character, that there wasn't a lot of dialogue, and that it followed him on the last days of his life. Kurt Cobain is a hero of mine, (except for the suicide part), I was excited to see it. That excitement vanished after the first (of many) 12 minute shots in which nothing happens and no one moves. If Dennis Lim enjoys "nothing happening," he need look no further. Gus Van Sant has been doing these kinds of static movies lately, Gerry, which I didn't see but heard compared to paint drying, Elephant (B), which I admired despite its slowness and thought it was a really interesting way of looking at Columbine, and this waste. Michael Pitt plays Kurt Cobain, ummm...he looks like him. That's good. We watch him walk through the woods for five minutes, make cereal for five minutes, watch TV for five minutes (yes, we watch him watch TV), etc, and then fade out and die. Way to honor the man who changed the lives of so many and music as we know it for the better. Maybe that wasn't the point. I dare you to watch it and tell me the point. I dare you to stay awake.

Oldboy (B) This was a cool movie, Korean but dubbed, loads of twists and turns and violence and fun. It felt very Tarantinoey to me, without being a total ripoff, and I had a good time. The plot's complicated but when it starts making sense, it's pretty fucked up. Cool flick.

Me And You And Everyone We Know (C+) Hmmm. I don't know what all the fuss was about. I "get" it. It was...fine. Whatever. This has been recommended to me so strongly, it's popping up on all these top ten lists, but I thought it was kind of smug and artsy fartsy for artsy fartsy's sake and irritating. I think part of the problem is I didn't like Miranda July, the lead in the movie, and since I knew she wrote and directed it, I kind of didn't like the whole thing. I respect it, I admire it, but it didn't do anything for me. It seemed like a movie a 16 year old girl would think was really deep.

The Devil's Rejects (C+) I had heard too many oddly good reviews of this movie to keep avoiding it, despite being horrified just to push play. I don't like this sort of thing generally, but after my love of Hostel and my indifference to this, I'm starting to think I'm not such a pussy after all. Alright, this movie was nonsense, but it was very stylish, very well done. I'm not normally that big into moral judgements but I do have somewhat of a problem with us being asked to root for people we have seen kill, torture and rape innocent people. Like, this thing ends with these rapists, torturers, murderers driving into the sunset of glory together in slow motion with "Freebird" playing, like they're a sports team or something. It made me really uncomfortable, which I guess was the point. Pretty grisly movie, but not a horror movie, more of a crime drama with horror type characters. Dumb, but smart about it. Not fun. Not bad. Best movie I've seen directed by a man whose last name is Zombie.

I also saw The Ringer (B-) and Grandma's Boy (C-) a while back and don't think I mentioned either one of them. I saw them for free, so it's hard to complain, but they were pretty average comedies. The Ringer was sort of cute and had some good laughs. It is actually very respectful of the handicapped, and that made it a lot easier to laugh at them. I did find it amazing that the audience is encouraged to root against the mentally handicapped, but I digress. Grandma's Boy is typical Sandler knockoff crap, and since even Sandler has been turning out Sandler knockoff crap lately (50 First Dates (C+), The Longest Yard (D)), this is pretty watered down. Not totally laughless, but nothing to recommend either.

And today's song lyric: "I believe in this and it's been tested by research, that he who fucks nuns will later join the church."

tags: movies  movie reviews  roger ebert  

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