Pat-pourri

Oh Patrick, you make me laugh. Too much here to comment on it all, but the big "of course" light bulb went on over my head when you mentioned being hung over in Astoria, weren't we all at one time or another? Of course I'm twenty or so years ahead of you, but I spent many a hungover morning on 31st and Ditmar's.

The Podcast was very funny. But that's no surprise. Keep up the good work.

Lastly, I find it very hard to believe that you have a hard time talking to women. JMHO.....

Pat, In response to your bitching, I refuse to comment. Wait..... damnit!

Also, I haven't stared into a cat's eyes, but if you want to find out something about yourself I suggest you stare into the eyes of a medium to large size dog. It doesn't take long before you wonder if the dog will attack you or not. It is a real possibility and if it does, you have a big problem on your hands. It's terrifying in a way. You really discover something about yourself in that moment. I found out that I'm a moron.

Dude, I totally remember THE PEANUT-BUTTER SOLUTION. In fact, the kid that played Yick Yu in the DEGRASSI television shows (Siluck Saysanasy--hell of a name) was in that movie--when I later was watching DEGRASSI I was like "holy shit, it's that peanut butter solution kid." As I recall he was the kid who painted his balls up with the peanut-butter-solution and then in the next scene you saw some hair sticking out of the cuff of his long pajama pants, as he scratched himself after being woken up by the itchiness.

RETURN TO OZ is incredible. I watched it again recently and was amazed (both that they tried passing it off as a kids movie, that Fairuza Balk was Dorothy, that Piper Laurie was Auntie Em, and at how much I thought it was awesome). The chicken Billina's voice alone was enough to scare any kid...I think I was really into scary movies that weren't rated R, since I wasn't allowed to watch R-rated movies as a kid (or ever, while under my parents' jurisdiction).

That is bigtime fishy about the Onion AV Club...someday I'm sure all of us longtime readers/commenters will be saying "remember back when the biggest number of comments on a Pat Walsh blog entry was 28, most had more like 3-15, and several had none at all?"

I think people are too awestruck to comment about the new Podcast and such. I've never been disappointed with your blogging rate that I recall, though.

Pat,

I have really enjoyed your posts the past few months and hope that you keep it up. Your movie reviews are great, as they give a refreshingly different perspective compared to the typical movie critic. Also, as a longtime subscriber to Juggs, I am looking forward to seeing your byline in their esteemed periodical.

Hi Pat, I check in about once a day to read but hardly ever comment... so today I will. I loved the scary movie thoughts, and totally agree about "Return to Oz" but I have to say the top of my list is "Harry and the Hendersons." Freaked me out for years, and I don't even remember why. Keep up the good work, and know that even if we don't comment, we're reading!

Very few people realize that "The Abyss" was actually what Nietzsche named his cat.

Also, I think people are less inclined to comment if they don't know you personally. I know two people besides myself read the LJ feed of your new entries (as evidenced at http://syndicated.livejournal.com/patwalsh/profile ) and probably many others come to the site with some regularity, but are timid strangers!

By the by, I've been doing a bit in my stand-up for about six months now about kids movies from the 80s and how they were clearly made by people who hated children, using Neverending Story, Labyrinth and The Dark Crystal as examples. And like you, I hit the bit where they kill off the horse pretty hard.

Because... Jesus. That was a ballsy scene. You neglected to mention that the horse sinks slowly into the mud, WHILE the young hero screams and cries for him to pull out of his depression long enough to save himself. Gaah. I don't know who wrote that scene, but I'm guessing Mommy drank pretty heavily.

So you see, Mr. Walsh, while the Onion A.V. Club may be ripping off you, you are ripping off ME!!! I'm going to have for 50% of all the money you make off of this blog. Gross points. None of this "net" bullshit.

Pat, I'm one of the afforementioned people who read your blog via the RSS feed on LiveJournal. RØB introduced me to your work awhile back; I've been reading for the better part of a year at least and find you witty, erudite, and wonderfully prolific. Keep it up and maybe I'll comment more.

For the record, if you want more comments, shake things up a little. This nothing-but-movie-reviews thing of the past few days was making me miss things like "the worst date ever" (or whatever you called it).

Pat,

I love how needy you are. I am a lurker, but I check your blog every day so maybe I should show some appreciation. There was a point in time when I did a search of all your posts for keyword "girlfriend," that's how enamored of you I am (seems you have one, tragic). I even recommended your blog to a friend the other day with the description, "Very funny, clearly a world-class asshole. Great reviews."

I was surprised to see how much you liked Into the Wild. I read the book, and had read a decent number of negative reviews from other people who had also read the book (largely concerning how his parents were characterized, something pointedly not developed in the book), and decided this movie would kill me with cloyingness. I may have to reconsider.

Since I'm posting, more Story of Your Life, please.

In sum, gr8 blog!! xoxoxoxoxo!!

Patrick,

Brother, I suggest you stop staring at cats and, instead, find yourself some good pussy. How about some more stories of your adventures in la la land. You know, some reality from the trenches. How's the writing going for "Big and Mr. Skateboard"? Good, bad, ugly? What? I think your best writing is reality stuff, but I don't go to many movies.

Thanks for keeping your site going. It's always a great stop for comedy, especially after a brutal day.

Rob,

I rehashed that exact same scene from the Peanut Butter Solution the other day to Pat, but alas, he said he didn't recall it. He's a poser.

Oh, I made an attempt at starting a discussion on your INTO THE WILD comments section.

So there's another comment for you.

Nutsy,

Thank you, always good to connect with a fellow Astorialite. And I can talk to girls I'm introduced to, but that's about it.

John J,

Does staring into a dog's eyes really inspire violence? I'm intrigued.

Rob,

As I said in my post, I remembered a pubic hair scene, but not specifics. It seems you've got a better memory than I. And yeah, how could they make a talking chicken terrifying? Return to Oz found a way.

Niall,

I do often wonder how one gets a gig writing for Juggs. Someone has to do it!

Kate K,

Great to hear, thanks. John Lithgow scared me, but Harry and the Hendersons never did. I do appreciate you stepping forward and coming clean.

Jackson,

Not smart enough to get the reference. So true about Neverending Story. Haven't seen your standup in three years, so I can not accept your claims of plagiarism. Nor can I say with any degree of certainty that I just spelled plagiarism correctly.

D. Mike Bauer,

Thank you good sir. See there? I have no idea who a lot of you people are or that you are enjoying my site. This is good to hear. I hear you on mixing it up. I've been doing a lot of movie reviews because a) I've been seeing a lot of movies b) I'm busy working on a lot of other creative projects, so my comedy is sometimes drained when I sit down to "blog,"and c) I've been quasi-auditioning for a movie reviewing gig at Cinematical.

JGB,

I am needy, I can't deny that. I am so flattered by this girlfriend search. Your age? Location? Measurements? Also, aside from that last comment, why am I a world class asshole? I don't disagree, I just want to hear specifics! And more Story of My Life on the horizon, promise.

RW,

Really appreciate it, sir. My time at Rob and Big is done, and I've moved on to other things, which I will go into soon. I agree, I need to start discussing my life on here again, it's just so much of what I'm doing career-wise can't be discussed in great detail until it's officially a go.

Danny,

I said I recall a pube scene! And to prove it, here is a transcript from our IM discussion --

Danny: you remember that scene? Me: i remembered something with pubes, yes

Wow. I win.

Thank you for starting an Into the Wild discussion, I'll check that out.

AND Thanks to everyone who de-lurked today, wonderful to meet you all.

Yeah dude, Yick Yu totally pasted peanut butter all over his balls.

I think I watched that movie like 2-3 times the one time my Mom rented it (this was probably several years after its initial 1985 release, though).

BLAST. Foiled again.

Ha ha, Rob--my mom rented it for me too way back when. She brought it home from the video store and I was all like, "Yo, da Peanut Butta Solution? Why are you wasting my time with this, bitch? You about to get raped!" But thankfully it was entertaining.

i discovered so many weird and crazy horror/halloween obsessives when i was researching the idea that became ROUTE 666- America's Scariest Home Haunts (check the webisodes out on fearnet.com!)

ew. sorry for teh lame plug. but i'm just sort of proud that an idea of mine made it some place where people can see it - even if it is just a series of webisodes...

The decline of 'Curb Your Enthusiasm' is odd to me; I haven't followed the creative path of the show, but did they lose someone from the production team after 'The Producers' season? Last season was almost unwatchable, and this year is turning into another painful viewing experience. Did some alien kidnap Larry David (and Steve Carrell, another actor who seems to have lost his way) and replace him with a bad impressionist? The painful subtlety of the early seasons has given way to some of the broadest and outrageously stupid scenarios to come down the pike in a long time. You know it's bad that Smallville is still in my Tivo list and Curb isn't. I'd hoped the break would do him good, but this show has become a pale imitation of its old self (it reminds me a lot of the post-Larry David Seinfeld episodes, where every week they had to try to come up with the next 'yada-yada-yada'). HBO is killing me, although I must admit that I am now hopelessly addicted to 'Tell Me You Love Me'.

Good call on those creepy 'non-horror' flicks, especially with Willy Wonka. Some people think the Tim Burton movie is twisted, but it's like an episode of 'My Little Pony' compared to the original. You know, 'cause it's always a good idea to bombard kids with images of chickens being decapitated, dead people, worms, and other assorted weirdness. The probably apocryphal story about that movie is that Wilder dropped some L before that scene, but whatever, it scared the shit out of me. Violet summed it up best, "What is this - a freak out?!?" Indeed. Also, what is up with the creepy molesterish denizens of Charlie's town - I was afraid of strangers for years after my first viewing. The scariest part of the movie, though, is definitely the song 'Cheer Up Charlie' - kept me up for years.

Unlike you, I was allowed to watch anything I wanted as a kid, so I'm perma-scarred by seeing 'Carrie', 'Night of the Living Dead' and 'Halloween' before I was ten (2 of them in the theater; the opening scene of 'Carrie' definitely sent me hurling into an early puberty, although the final scene caused me to sleep with the light on for several years afterwards).

Hi pat, I'm still here. still reading, but when you give me a good SOML entry I will be commenting like crazy. =) Plus the math questions to help combat spam were getting too difficult. 1 + 4? COME ON!!! I don't knooooowww. It's really discouraging.... : Þ

The cat thing was a reference to the Nietzsche quote "When you look long into the abyss, the abyss also looks long into you."

Right? People? Beyond Good And Evil? Hello? Is this thing on?

Fuck it. What's the deal with airline peanuts?

Yeah it was. I enjoyed it, thought it was a clever comment.

Pat -

Another goodie over at The Write Stuff. Thanks.

A question: Can you give us a peek into writing with a partner and what sort of agreement you two have?

I've asked Pat that before (about what having a partner is all about--the why, the how, the what, and beyond), and he promised to answer! All in due time I reckon.

I just noticed the tags on your entry. The juxtaposition of the last two makes it look like a single tag: "Jerking Off The Onion." HAH!

I don't recall you talking much, if at all, about the Talking Heads in all your music posts. I wanna know why, dammit.

I'm really bored at work today.

danny- thanks, I liked it. Yeah, it was probably more clever than funny.

And as we all learned from Brad Pitt in Fight Club, clever will only get you a sneer of recognition and an ass in the face a few seconds later.

Incidentally, I was going to write a comment about how board regulars Tully Moxness and Nutsy Fagan should get married, Filliam H. Muffman-style, to become Tutsy Fagness.

I held back because both of them seem like nice guys and neither one has ever done anything to warrant the incongruity of their respective names being pointed out, but come the fuck on. Tutsy Fagness! It's not so much an insult as it is the greatest name for a British person ever.

Sam,

That's very cool, hope they're a success!

Tully,

I was underwhelmed with the last season of "Curb" but that was nothing compared to what's been going on this season. There's been some trainwrecks in there. I continued to love "Seinfeld" post David, so can't agree with you there, but there's definitely something amiss in Curb-town. "Tell Me You Love Me" manages to keep me hooked without being particularly, y'know...good.

I think I've discussed "Cheer Up Charlie on here before, there is no more depressing song in childrens' entertainment.

Dianna,

Sorry about the math, and if I posted a "SOML" every day, I'd run out of life to write about! I'm a young man!

Scribe,

Thanks, and I'll probably do a whole "Write Stuff" about partnerships soon.

Rob,

You ever jerked off an Onion? Lot of crying.

Danny,

Talking Heads are one of my favorite bands, they have a song in my Top 100, and probably should have had another. You've really got to start doing your research, child.

Jackson,

Tutsy Fagness -- certainly greatest name of all time. Two great names that taste great together.

PW, this is off-topic, but I bet you won't mind too much... I was thinking about your classic post about 'temping.' I have issues with the phrase temping, because it should imply a short-term gig - maybe a couple weeks or a few months - tops. Once you get past the 6-month mark - the term contractor should be used - GE agrees with that termonolgy as well - so that's good enough for me.

However, at the end of the day - if you are not salary - there's always a stigma attached - it does not matter how much you make, or how long you've been there - you'll always be an outsider...

Anywho, I watched The Office last week and there was a great bit about the guy who has a new job in NYC as a manager (full-time salary) and he's still fighting that temp stigma when he returns to his old stomping ground.

I know that the writers are trying to make his character into a tool-ish dude now, but I thought it was well written, and made me think of your post.

PS: Go Red Sox.

1) movies that aren't horror movies that freak me out: ET and Pinoccio. 2) jackson, i got it. but then again, i went to columbia. ;)

PS: Any thoughts about the wildfires in southern CA? That's your neck of the woods - correct?

Jerking off onions is actually a specialty of mine...I call it Mas-TEAR-bation. HEY NOW!

(When reading the above, please say the "HEY NOW!" part in your head as Hank Kingsley would.)

I don't know if I can explain this but I think Tom Arnold more than likely had something to do with the disappearance of Rick Moranis. Wait a minute did I just create a movie? A crappy D-list actor kidnaps a former faded B list star. Hilarity ensues. I'm calling Vince Vaughn immediately. Great blog by the way hilarious stuff.

JJ --

Oh yeah, once a temp, always a temp. I've had a few temp-to-perm experiences and you never get respect. I'm liking that thread on The Office a lot. I don't really have thoughts on the wildfires, other than that I think they suck? They're about 40 minutes from me, so I personally haven't been affected, but there is kind of an ashiness in the city.

Sam

A lot of people said ET, I don't see it. Pinocchio may have freaked me out when I was little, but that's just because I was born a puppet.

Rob,

Dy-no-MITE!

Josh,

Thanks man, and yes that is definitely a movie I would see.